MY LRD

Long distance relationship(s) (LDR)
Are you in one? I didn't trust I could ever achieve this, I tried once and by the time he was to come to Nigeria, we were clearly hanging by the thread, short version, we were done before we even started.
So, when another opportunity came my way, I was reluctant, what good was there in it anyway? But here I am today in the most awesome relationship ever and its way better than any I have had even houses away from me. The saying, 'wetin you dey find for Sokoto, dey your shokoto', didn't work for me in this situation, 'wetin I find for my shokoto been dey Sokoto'. Lol

Let's get to today's business.
• DISTANCE
Being in a relationship and being oceans, valleys and countries apart can be as frustrating as it can get. For some people you do not get to see your spouse except ones in a year or twice.
I overcome this by getting myself busy day after day, somehow my mind gets distracted from counting days and watching it turn into weeks and months.
I also (thankfully) have no calender on my wall, I think I would lose a nut if I did have one.

• ARGUMENTS
When having arguments or quarrels, you cannot see there facial expressions or read there body language. You have no idea if he/she just went through a storm and at the other end of the line is acting all fine.(The best you can get is a pretentious giggle or 'I'm fine,really).
My spouse and I have a (call it policy) or whatever that helps us through weathers.
A) you don't get to sleep off without settling issues
B) no transfer of aggression. If someone/something got you pissed do not bring the attitude or mood into our lives. (My dad would always say, when your in a mood, go behind closed doors and pour your frustration on anything, do not stay in the midst of people and make everyone else as sour as you feel)
C) whatever we have on our minds we spill, no holding back.
D) we treat each other like children, when Nkem says something I do not like, even if it were a joke, I would bring it up ASAP and we do the apologies and continue our discussion like nothing happened.
E) Nkem is my calm and balm. Let me explain, I think I'm the hot headed one in this relationship, so while I'm ready to face a situation with anger and attitude, he comes to my rescue with words of wisdom and a far better way to calm the waters.

• TRUST
What does this entail? Trust makes a solid foundation in relationships. Though, we have been taught by experiences(ours or others) that one cannot trust even his shadow.
Do not know how that works, but I trust my man.
I do not think trusting someone has to be a 100% but you cannot be in a relationship and not trust your spouse, how does that even work?
If I'm going to hang out with my male friends, I say to him who I'm going with and where.
If he gets a call from a lady friend, he says as well.
Trust should not be a one sided affair.

• COMMUNICATION
Communication is the all(I think).
Thankfully we have telephone calls, sms, emails, facebook, twitter, skype, google + E.T.C these days.
Unfortunately, we also have Nigeria's poor service providers and time difference.
God help us here in Nigeria, with our very sick service providers.
Myself and Nkem chat via facebook, sms and foremost emails. Our telephone conversations are the weirdest, but I never get tired of it, I bet we could go 8hours non-stop on call, but then the 1hour 8seconds stop us (and when the bill comes at the end of the month, I for done use that money buy land for my mama village oh).
Emails are back and forth (do not blame my blackberry for revolting and getting hot all the time, I have two batteries anyway, so PHCN if you want to mess up O.Y.O) *tongue out*
Sending pictures and a few video clips help also.
Communication also means understanding and expressing yourself in a way the other person does not read the wrong meaning into what you have said. So in whatever you have to say, keep it simple and as clear as it can be
.
• LIVING SIMPLY
LDR couples should keep open minds, and do not try to build your relationship like mr. and mrs. X and Y who live in Agege and Jibowu respectively or Ikoyi and V.I.
Say things as they are, do what makes your spouse happy and treat him/her as you expect to be treated, remember what you give is what you get.

• PRAYING
This goes a very long way, praying to your Creator, thanking Him and appreciating all He has done.
I must say Nkem takes the trophy on this one(yer yer, I know its no competition, but for now I let him shine...lol)
It started with him calling in the morning to say quick prayers before we got about our daily lives, to goodnight prayers. Right now, we pray at random.
Nothing beats a couple that pray together, that just has to be awesome right?

I think my head is empty at this point, I miss Nkem, I cannot wait for him to come home. As an African woman, I will feed my man Fat...and fit!!! :D
Are you a LDR couple, how do you cope?

...XoXo...

Marlyne

Marlyne